You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
