apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
