I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
