afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
