He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
