when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
