My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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