oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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