Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
