That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
