I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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