a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
