why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
