This is not my ceiling
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
