The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
