my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
