So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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