I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
