I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So much rum. So many feels.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
