So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
