hotel room ftw
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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