So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
