we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
