dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
