so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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