she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
