I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
