would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
