Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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