remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
