thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
