I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
