It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
