I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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