I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
