Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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