Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
