I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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