so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
