I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
