There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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