We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
