i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
