Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
