Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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