FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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