idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
