Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
