Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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