Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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