i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
