just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
