I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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