Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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