just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
