it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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