Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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