At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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