in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
