my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
